When did the business community in America become so sensitive? ... that we have to treat like some type of rare exotic animal - don't startle them or they'll fly away!...we need to soothe them so they can nest here and lay their magic eggs full of jobs! - WHICH NEVER HATCH BY THE WAY!!!

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.

If a President must constantly remind the people that we're at war, then we're not.

When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, 'I want to help you get teeth.' Why does that make me an a**hole?

That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.