There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater.

You can't deny that religion has done some good. It organizes lots of anti-poverty programs and soup kitchens and missionary work. But I would say that, first of all, all those things can be accomplished without religion. You can be ethical, somebody who does the right thing without feeling that he has to in order to get his ass saved in the next life.

Republicans stand by their convictions. Stupid, ignorant, world-destroying convictions based on disproven economic fantasies and ancient books full of primitive morality and magic people. But convictions, nonetheless.

At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.

Remember, guns don't kill people - unless you practice real hard.

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

Trying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have to feed them the truth wrapped in a piece of baloney, hold their snouts shut and stroke their throats. and even then, just when you think they've swallowed it, they spit it out on the linoleum.