When I hear from people that religion doesn't hurt anything, I say really? Well besides wars, the crusades, the inquisitions, 9-11, ethnic cleansing, the suppression of women, the suppression of homosexuals, fatwas, honor killings, suicide bombings, arranged marriages to minors, human sacrifice, burning witches, and systematic sex with children, I have a few little quibbles. And I forgot blowing up girl schools in Afghanistan.
Bill MaherThat Mitt Romney, he is a master campaigner. This week he was introducing his wife, and he said, 'She is the heavyweight champion of my life.” Which may explain why on the ride home, he was strapped to the roof of the car.
Bill MaherWhen I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea.
Bill MaherThis is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court.
Bill MaherLip-synching?! Let that be a lesson. If you are in Washington, D.C., and you open your mouth and another voice comes out, it better be the NRA, an oil company or a bank.
Bill Maher