If the NRA keeps messing with the President's daughters, they're going to have to start worrying about Michelle Obama's guns.

Why is Mitt Romney not bragging: 'I covered all these people'? Why can't the Democrats sell the idea, we're trying to make you well? Is that such a hard sale?

The Republican Party is like the corpse in 'Weekend at Bernies' and the Tea Party is like the two guys who put sunglasses and a party hat on it and drag it around.

The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'

A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay.

It's nine months before the election and Bush's poll numbers have fallen to the exact level that his father's poll numbers were nine months before he lost to Bill Clinton. Today front runner John Kerry said he's not superstitious, but just to be on the safe side, he's going to start f---ing everything that moves.

Anything is depressing if you dwell on it. The fact that religion could end the world? Yeah, I guess that could be considered depressing. But considering that there's also a lot to laugh at, I think it's a good balance.