To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you're a person of great faith. You have to pledge to the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven - that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

Face the fact that there's only one sure-fire way to erase credit card debt. By picking up a big, shiny pair of scissors and cutting your wife in half.

I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.

Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.

To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.

I love Jesus. I just don't like the Christians who don't believe in what he says.