As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

I don't think George Bush is a good president by any imagination, but when he said, 'If you're talking to Al-Quaeda, we want to know what it's about,' it just proves one thing: If you're president long enough, you will one day say something that is true.

Americans are gluttons. We shop with forklifts. We have a holiday where we stuff food into other food. Our strippers wrestle in Jell-O, where other countries have to use mud.

If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from a plane.

I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting; who would vote for me?

The answer isn't another pill. The answer is spinach.

And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he said, 'My job is not to worry about those people.' You know, where do people get this stuff that Mitt Romney is a heartless, calculating c**ksucker?