When you hear a lobby called Partnership for a Drug-Free America, just remember - they do not want a drug free America. They want an America free of drugs that are their competitors.

New Rule: Someone has to tell Francesco Schettino that embracing a callous policy of "every man for himself" doesn't make you a sea captain. It makes you the Republican nominee.

The teachers don't know anything. What are the kids going to learn with a horrible education system?

If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

Guys you have way too much invested in sport. Guys you are not the tenth man. You're a machine for turning beer into piss that's what you are!

If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?

I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.