When you hear a lobby called Partnership for a Drug-Free America, just remember - they do not want a drug free America. They want an America free of drugs that are their competitors.

[Obamacare] was going to be the Republicans' big issue, and they're not talking about it because it's working.

Face the fact that there's only one sure-fire way to erase credit card debt. By picking up a big, shiny pair of scissors and cutting your wife in half.

All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.

There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'

The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota.

Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people's taxes in half, had a incurable case of the military-industrial complex, and said Medicare was socialism that would destroy our freedom. Both sides really should stop pretending he was something other than the man most responsible for our decline.