Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.

Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she's demanding that we invade 'Tsunami.'

Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

I mean, maybe one day we will live in a more optimum world where terrorists come in every color of the rainbow. But the truth is, now they don't. I mean, the people who are trying to get us are young Muslim men, period.

Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, 'If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking to God, they would call Bellevue. But, take away the hair dryer, it's just praying.'