Something wild can happen to anybody and I caution anybody that walks out on the street, just settle your accounts before you leave the house every day.

I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.

Well it's hard to be yourself, it's the hardest job there is.

We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.

The critics. When they're right, they're right for the wrong reasons. And they're usually wrong.

People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.