The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.

Buddy Hackett [was] talking - this is Hackett, not me - about the Virgin Mary, a limerick sort of thing, and all these children and families ... the look of absolute horror. He's going on and on and on, and finally he stops. It's just total horror, and the camera's still rolling. You can hear it, sort of a grinding noise. And the director says, "Anything else, Bud?"

'Groundhog Day' was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn't even get nominated for an Academy Award.

Totie Fields is one of my benchmarks for a lot of things. There was a standard of show business.

The first year I had money, I really went shopping. I got really caught up in it. I bought all my brothers sets of luggage, and I bought 'em winter coats from Giorgio Armani - winter coats. And I got a pair of socks from this brother.

You want my dark side? Have I ever stolen anything? Not so much intentionally. But I don't think it's so much stealing as... being a part of the flow of the universe. You know, where there's an exchange. It's positive. It's negative. There's an exchange of goods and services.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.