Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Afghanistan is just one of those countries that no group can conquer. It's so challenging to live, and the people are so close among their own tribes, their own groups, that you can't rule them all, you can't get an accord from all of them.

Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has.

Buddy Hackett [was] talking - this is Hackett, not me - about the Virgin Mary, a limerick sort of thing, and all these children and families ... the look of absolute horror. He's going on and on and on, and finally he stops. It's just total horror, and the camera's still rolling. You can hear it, sort of a grinding noise. And the director says, "Anything else, Bud?"

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

I'd like [Santa Claus] to give Wes Anderson, the director, enough money in his next budget for an aerial shot - just a little copter shot. He really wanted this one helicopter shot, and Disney wouldn't give him the money. Just wouldn't give him the money. Every day, he was talking to the studio about this helicopter shot.

The last thing I want is to be (in a film role) is obvious, direct and offensive.