The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

That's the reason I'm not the one that's dead because the attraction of the fast life is very powerful.

There are a lot of actors that are more talented than me at Second City who quit it before they even got to a paying status. Weird luck. I had no other option.

Morocco is the greatest. I should be getting money from the Moroccans because I'm just telling everyone that it's a wonderful place to go.

I realize it's impossible to have any sympathy, I mean, true sympathy, for people that are famous.

When you see grown men near to tears because they've missed hitting a little white ball into a hole from three feet, it makes you laugh.

I will be in Orlando during the atheist convention to do my best to counter the assaults upon Christ of the atheists. I also plan on running a large newspaper ad in the Orlando Sentinel addressed to the atheists and warning the Orlando area of the atheists' vile plans for their children.