I always want to say to people who want to be rich and famous: 'try being rich first'. See if that doesn't cover most of it. There's not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job.

That's the reason I'm not the one that's dead because the attraction of the fast life is very powerful.

We're creating a TV show of Scrooge, starring Jamie Farr, with Buddy Hackett as Scrooge. We're shooting in this Victorian set for weeks, and Hackett is pissed all the time, angry that he's not the center of attention, and finally we get to the scene where we've gotta shoot him at the window, saying, "Go get my boots," or whatever. The set is stocked with Victorian extras and little children in Oliver kind of outfits, and the director says, "All right, Bud - just give it whatever you want." And Hackett goes off on a rant. Unbelievably obscene.

There are people who drove me crazy, but they got the job done. And when I see that person again, I nod my head. Respect.

I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!

My back hurts. My legs ache. I'm only four!

Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.