You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid.

Sleepwalking?" "Nightmare?" "Homicidal psycho jungle cat!

Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! ...Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough.

I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.

Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! Calvin: I just don't test well.

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.