A REAL job is a job you hate.

I'm pulling out different aspects of my personality in writing each character and, if I'm doing my job well, I'm being true to the situation and true to the character.

We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.

Cleveland is a really hard place, it's a very creative place, it feeds you creatively, but it's a very hard place to make a living creatively.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

You are demoted from First Tiger to bulk rate.

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! Calvin: I just don't test well.