I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework...procrastinating and negotiation.

The problem with people is that they're only human.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

S...For Stupendous! T...For Tiger, ferocity of! U...For Underwear, Red! P...For Power, Incredible! E...For excellent physique! N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that... D...For Determination! U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??

My guess is that the editor [Cincinnati Post] wanted his own Jeff MacNelly (a Pulitzer winner at 24), and I didn't live up to his expectations. My Cincinnati days were pretty Kafkaesque.

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?