Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were.

I think of football as a sport the way ducks think of hunting as a sport.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

Scientific Progress goes boink?

The strips I admire go farther than a gag a day, and take us into a special world.

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when...Hello?