Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be bribed.

Calvin: Trick or treat! Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak... Am I scary, or what?

I'd like to see cartoonists measuring their work by higher standards than how many papers their strips are in and how much money they make.

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.

It's always better to leave the party early.

To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!