People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Hobbes: Do you think there's a God? Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. . . . Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them. Mom: I haven't seen them. Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

It seems the less I do and say, the better everyone likes my work!