I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.

Don't die until you're dead.

My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?

On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.