I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.

Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.

Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

If you give people a chance, they shine.