I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.