Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I find it's often in huge tits, too.

They say that dog is man's best friend, and I think it's true. My dog does a lot of the same stuff my best friend does, like drool on my couch, mooch my food and hump my wife.

I bet that the best thing about being a hermaphrodite is that you always get to use the bathroom with the shortest line.

Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

When you think about it, there is really a fine line between being a proctologist and just being a perverted ass-freak. And according to the judge who sentenced me, that line is called a 'medical degree'.

Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club.