Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

I bet that the best thing about being a hermaphrodite is that you always get to use the bathroom with the shortest line.

Light up a spliff and hit the strip club.

Sure, companies say they're sensitive to their employees' cultural heritages, but show up on casual Friday wearing a necklace made from the ears of your vanquished enemies and all hell breaks loose.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I find it's often in huge tits, too.

Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club.