As an enlisted sailor, I don't feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I'm going to change my last name to Stains. My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as Seaman Stains.

They say that dog is man's best friend, and I think it's true. My dog does a lot of the same stuff my best friend does, like drool on my couch, mooch my food and hump my wife.

As an enlisted sailor, I don't feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I'm going to change my last name to Stains. My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as Seaman Stains.

Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I find it's often in huge tits, too.

I bet that the best thing about being a hermaphrodite is that you always get to use the bathroom with the shortest line.

I recently read that Arnold Schwarzenegger collects Hummers. Now we know why Maria's face is frozen in that puckered position.