The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

I admire ventriloquists, because I can't do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can't do what they do.

If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.

There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.