If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.

Freedom of speech does not mean that you have to agree with everything that a comedian says, but that comedian should have the freedom to be able to try to make that funny. It's the attempt that I'm trying to defend so hard, no necessarily the execution.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.