You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an end has been done to death.

Not only is love blind, it’s a little hard of hearing.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more words they can comprehend about a funny story or a joke, the more they'll enjoy it.