Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

Turns out, theres not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet.

Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong.

I was such a weird kid. The really hardcore stuff like Venom - I was totally aware of them, and I listened to some of it - but they actually frightened me.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom.