There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.