The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.