I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.