Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

At the Sahara, the seats are banked and most of the audience is looking down at the stage. Everybody in the business knows: Up for singers, down for comics. The people want to idealize a singer. They want to feel superior to a comic. You're trying to make them laugh. They can't laugh at someone they're looking up to.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.