I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.