Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?

The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.