The audience will always forgive you for being wrong and exciting, but never for being right and dull.
I can sing as well as Fred Astaire can act.
Sometimes you have to lose yourself 'fore you can find anything.
The most important thing to remember is: to protect your quarterback - ME!
I can tell a young person where the mines are, but he's probably going to step on them anyway.
Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.