All my life I have been happiest when the folks watching me said to each other, `Look at the poor dope, wilya?

Charlie Chaplin and I would have a friendly contest: Who could do the feature film with the least subtitles?

I don't feel qualified to talk about my work.

And if there is sweeter music this side of heaven I haven't heard it.

What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.

Is Hollywood the cruelest city in the world? Well, it can be. New York can be that, too. You can be a Broadway star here one night, and something happens, and out--nobody knows you on the street. They forget you ever lived. It happens in Hollywood, too.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.