Sometimes the concept you're questioning makes more sense to ask just the second one and not the first one.
If you argue against reality you will suffer.
The way to truly help someone is for me to not get immersed in their suffering.
The best way of leading people is to let them find their own way.
If I had a prayer, it would be this: "God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen."
I think that's the trick: wanting what I have.