Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.

A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.