The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense.