Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

Sometimes, if I had until the next day to turn the story in, I'd head home, finding that the knot in the narrative came loose with the rhythmic clacking of the subway train.

The talk shows are stuffed full of sufferers who have regained their health--congressmen who suffered through a serious spell of boozing and skirt-chasing, White House aides who were stricken cruelly with overweening ambition, movie stars and baseball players who came down with acute cases of wanting to trash hotel rooms while under the influence of recreational drugs. Most of them have found God, or at least a publisher.

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

With humor, it’s so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.