I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

If bumblebee leavings and stump paste are so good for you, why can't any of those guys (in the health stores) grow full beards?

If Lincoln freed the slaves and preserved the Union, how come 'Lincolnesque' just means tall?

At American weddings, the quality of the food is in inverse proportion to the social position of the bride and groom.

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.

I suppose it's possible that the Sundance Kid didn't like to make much of his birthdays — they may have struck him as just another reminder that his draw was getting slower by the year—but what if he truly liked a major celebration? What if he looked forward every year to marking the day of his birth with what they used to call in the West 'a real wingding, with pink balloons and a few survivors'?