God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.

The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas.

I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their houses have wheels.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!