And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.

People want to complain... my point especially when it comes to racial humor is... we have that diversity, so I don't look at it like we are making fun of people, I look at it as how awesome is it that we can talk about this stuff, that we do have this kind of diversity, that we do live in a country that shows an array, unlike any other in the world.

The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them.

Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store!

The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?

I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!