The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!

In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you're a Mexican. In Florida, you're a Cuban. In New York, you're a Puerto Rican. And I come here and I find out I'm an Eskimo.

I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.

Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think. I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.

The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.