In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you're a Mexican. In Florida, you're a Cuban. In New York, you're a Puerto Rican. And I come here and I find out I'm an Eskimo.

I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.

When you are younger, you pretend to believe, but you are proving it to everyone and to yourself. The change comes when you know you're funny on the inside. Then you don't have to prove it to anybody else anymore. That's when you become different and that's when you evolved onto a completely different level, because you know who you are.