I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.

Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.

America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.