What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

Do not encourage my behaviour.

America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.

If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.

In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.