What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.

I'm really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.

I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love.

I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie - the networks just wouldn't spend the money today.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.