Carol Burnett Quotes

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.

Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.

If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right.

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.

I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany.

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.

If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

I always felt that I was more of an actress than a - I can't tell a joke to save my soul, but that I was a comedic actress.

I liked myself better when I wasnt me.

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.

I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry.

Daddy, when he drank, just became sweeter. There wasn't a mean thought in his body. I've always said he was like a drunk Jimmy Stewart.

I always had a weak chin because we couldn't afford to correct my bite, which could have been corrected with braces. So the chin was always weak. And I always was - kind of hated my profile. And I thought wouldn't it be nice someday to feel the rain on your chin without having to look up.

If you see a kid in school, who is a little shy ... that's when you should reach out. When you do, you are going to open up a flower and discover something wonderful.

Comedy = tragedy + time.

I'm really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table.

I think we're here for each other.

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis.

No matter what, when you major in theater arts whether you want to write or be a director or design scenery or whatever, when you are a freshman at UCLA then - I guess it's still the same way - you had to take an acting class.

I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.

I have a great memory.

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Before you go to bed, write down three 'gratefuls' for the day and three 'did wells' (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)-the results can be amazing!

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.

My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.

What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.

there were times when I was more at home in front of millions of people than I was at home.

In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.

You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it's the disease that's hating you, not them.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee.

You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I'm glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy.

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.

What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you.